Salespeople hear “no” all of the time, but the difference between failure and success is the salesperson’s ability to finesse the prospect closer to a “yes.”

Prospects don’t always say yes! That might be the very first thing you learn as a salesperson. As a matter of fact, “no,” in all of its various forms and expressions, may be the one word that salespeople hear most often. It’s amazing, then, that so few of us are equipped to effectively handle it.

I teach a two-step process: first you finesse the person, then you handle the idea expressed by that person. Every salesperson should become adept at what I call “finess­ing” the person, but what do you do when the customer says “no”?

Step One: Empathize

Begin by empathizing with your customer. This takes some of the ten­sion out of the situation, defuses any defensiveness on his part and builds a positive atmosphere. Empathizing requires you to do two things. First, make a statement indicating that you understand how the prospect thinks or feels. Second, support that statement with some proof.

Here’s an example. Let’s say your prospect has said, “I want to think it over.” You respond by saying, “I know how you feel.” Then, as proof, you say, “Many of my other custom­ers responded the same way when they were first presented with this concept.” Your proof shows them that you really do understand how they think or feel.

Another example: again, the prospect has said, “I want to think it over.” You don’t argue with him; you don’t confront him; you don’t sulk. Instead, you say, “I can understand that.” (That’s your empathizing state­ment.) “When I first saw it, I wanted to think about it a bit as well.” (That’s the proof you give the prospect to believe your empathizing statement.)

When you do this — empathize with the customer — it puts you squarely on the customer’s side. You’ve set the stage to move on to the next step.

Step Two: Probe

Once you’ve empathized with your customer, ask questions. Generally, when you’re responding to an objection or evasion, the issue is too general to deal with effectively. Often your customer hasn’t accu­rately articulated his thoughts. Your questions, therefore, should be of the type that requires your customer to think more specifically. You must guide his answers with open-ended questions that reveal his specific hesitations. You can’t respond to a vague comment, but you can address a specific one. The primary tool for moving your prospect from general to specific thoughts is a good ques­tion.

Back to our example. After you’ve empathized, next ask, “When you say that you want to think about it, what specifically is it that you need to consider more deeply?”

Notice the question asks the prospect to move from the general to the specific. When you phrase these questions, add the words “specifically” or “exactly” some­where in the question, and make it as non-threatening and open-ended as possible. Your tone of voice should be inquisitive, not confrontational.

If you have done this well, your prospect will talk a bit and share more specifically what he/she is thinking or feeling. Now you have some better information with which to deal.

Step Three: Verify

When he answers, you then re­phrase the answer and feed it back to him, confirming that you really understand him. Back to the example again. Let’s say he explains, “Well, John, I’m not sure about the price. It’s more than we had planned in the budget. I’m not sure we want to pay that much.” That would be a great answer because it reveals the exact issue that is bothering the prospect.

Your skillful empathizing and questioning has uncovered the real problem. Now, you just rephrase it and ask for him to confirm what you’ve said. Your response could go like this. “OK. So, in other words, you’re concerned about how you can pay for it when it’s more than what you had budgeted. Is that right?” He responds, “Yes, that’s right.”

When your prospect confirms it, you have successfully probed and clarified his evasion or objection, moving from the general to the specific. Now, you can deal with it.

As long as he maintains that he “just wants to think about it,” there is little you can do to move the project forward. But now that you understand exactly what the issue is, you can respond to the objection.

Notice also the very last thing that has happened in this exchange. He said “yes.” You have changed the emotional environment from tense, negative and confrontational to relaxed, positive and collaborative.

That’s why you do it. You finesse the person before you deal with the objection that person has expressed. Now that you have influenced the atmosphere and clarified the objec­tion, you can respond to the idea.