Let’s admit it — when it comes to dealing with customers who are stressed, some jobs are easier than others. A masseuse working in a resort spa will have more pleasant customers than a lost luggage agent at a busy airport. If your customers are sitting in a chair at your hair salon, they’re likely to be more relaxed than if they were sitting in an examination chair in a dental office.

That’s why so many customer service training programs fall short of desired results. Over the last decade there’s been a dearth of frontline training that focuses on enhancing customer experience. The premise is that we are now in the experience economy. Supposedly, our goal as service providers is to be friendly and upbeat. That way we’ll apparently make it more than just selling a cup of coffee; now it’s an experience. Unfortunately for many organizations, this strategy backfires.

What if your customers are conducting business with you more out of necessity than desire? What if your customers are tired, rushed, or angry? When that’s the case, employee perkiness is likely to be perceived as annoying. That’s why, when I speak at conferences, and present training programs for teams, I encourage employees to go beyond friendliness to create trust, especially with customers who are tired, rushed or upset.

Picture this — a receptionist at a walk-in medical clinic greets new arrivals with a friendly, upbeat, “Hi, how are you today?” Obviously, people enter a clinic because something is wrong. That question forces the incoming patient to reply in one of three ways:

• The patient essentially lies, and responds with “Fine.” In which case the customer gets the impression that the receptionist must be blissfully ignorant of why people visit a clinic.
• The patient responds tersely “Not good!” Here, the receptionist begins to think she should look for a job where there aren’t so many cranky people.
• The new arrival explains at length their medical history and everything they’ve tried to alleviate their suffering. That means the patient has to repeat their story to the next health care provider — and the next.

Not much fun for the patient who was simply answering a direct question.

A Better Strategy

The receptionist’s face shows genuine concern and compassion as the patient approaches. She makes direct eye contact and gently says, “Good afternoon.” Then she raises her eyebrows waiting for the patient to volunteer what brought them in. Result? Less time, the receptionist feels better about her job and the customer gets the impression the receptionist is tuned in to patient needs. Quite an improvement when the employee focuses more on building trust than being perky.

Phone-In Help Desk

Imagine this time a software specialist at a phone-in help-desk who receives calls from customers with computer problems.

Attempting to be friendly and disarming, he addresses male customers at various points of the conversation with a “buddy,” “bro,” or “dude.” The problem with these overly familiar terms is the customer who phones in with a computer problem likely isn’t happy about the software or the company that services it. He’s frustrated. He does not want to be “buds” with the people who have anything to do with the darn computer. He feels like the systems rep is too casual and wonders if they are actually trained. The frustrated customer is now becoming annoyed.

A Better Approach

The help-desk employee considers his role as being a Trust Advisor. He isn’t the customer’s pal. Nor is he a mere minion in a huge faceless bureaucracy. Nor is he the customer’s doormat. This time the computer specialist introduces himself at the beginning of the call with his first and last name. This implies that he considers himself to be a grown-up professional, and he’s fine with being held accountable. He doesn’t use overly familiar terms (buddy, etc.), nor does he use terms that are too formal — such as “sir” or “ma’am.” He simply uses the customers’ name when addressing them. With this approach, the customer feels as if he’s getting personalized service from an accountable professional. The customer gets respect and gives it in return. He feels better about the company as a whole. And, in turn the help desk rep deals with more civil customers who genuinely appreciate his expertise. Everyone wins.

Exceptional customer service is not always about being friendly. It is always about creating trust. The good news is by adjusting a few words and phrases, you can generate significant improvements in customer loyalty. It isn’t complicated. That’s why I call this approach Influence with Ease.