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It is said that, on average, every seventh person you meet won’t like you. For some of us it’s one out of two, for others it’s one out of 100. Whatever the case may be for you, when two relatively decent human beings meet for the first time and feel an instant disconnect, it is typically due to a difference in personality types. In this article I’ll discuss how to have the best shot at getting along with all types.

Major Steps for Connecting With Any Personality Type

Know the Different Personality Types

The truth is, there are as many personality types as there are people on the planet. That said, we’ve all heard of the four classic personality types, and to keep things simple, those are the ones I’ll deal with here. They are called by different names under the different models, for this discussion we’ll use: Drivers, Socializers, Relaters, and Analytics. Here’s a quick rundown on each.

• Drivers are usually the leaders in most organizations and have the following characteristics: Extroverts, direct, short, sweet, and to-the point, task oriented and business focused, focused on a few important details, goal driven, when you want to go somewhere, they’re happy to lead the way or take the wheel and “drive.”
• Socializers usually gravitate to jobs where there is a lot of variety and interaction with people. They usually end up in sales, customer service, and related fields. They have the following characteristics: Extroverts, direct, very talkative, move quickly, use a lot of gestures and body language, people oriented and focused on fun, “glass half full,” jump from one subject to another quickly.
• Relaters are usually found in jobs where there is a lot of interaction with other people and have the following characteristics: Introverts, indirect, great listeners, people oriented and very relationship focused, they smile a lot, soft in tone and demeanor, sixth sense for how people feel, don’t like drama or conflict.
• Analytics are usually found in jobs such as engineering, accounting, law, and medicine, and have the following characteristics: Introverts, indirect, very detailed listeners, little body language, few facial expressions, monotone, task oriented and job focused, numbers and detail focused, logical, perfectionists, will let you know if you’re about to break a rule or law.

Know Your Personality Type and Your Tendencies

Based upon the above descriptions, which best describes you? The two key questions are these: one: are you an introvert or extrovert and to what degree, and two: are you a people person or task person and to what degree? For example: if you are an extreme introvert and extremely task oriented, you are an Analytic; extreme extrovert and people person = Socializer; extreme introvert and people person = Relater; extreme extrovert and major task person = Driver. While some people can be an extreme in one of the two key areas, most are not extremes of both. Also, people can change personality type depending upon factors such as stress, environment (home, work, or social), and situation (buying a car, playing a competitive sport, watching a movie), but tend to predominantly be one of the four types.

Identify Other Personality Types

Based upon the descriptions under Step 1, can you identify the people you work and hang out with? Most challenges arise between one: Drivers and Relaters and two: Analytics and Socializers. If there is someone you can’t understand and that drives you completely up the wall, they are most likely your opposite personality type. Interestingly enough, opposite personality types also end up in relationships more than one would think.

Follow the Rules for Getting Along

Keys to connecting regardless of personality type:

• Match rate of speech and movement — Analytics move and talk more slowly, Socializers much more rapidly. Don’t match people perfectly, they’ll think you’re mocking them, slightly speed up or slow down speech and mannerisms to match the person you’re talking with.
• Be a great listener — Really hear what people are saying. Look for emotion in addition to hearing words. Be completely present, don’t interrupt, and treat the other person as if he or she is the most interesting person in the world. The better you listen to people the better they will like you and the more willing they will be to listen to you.
• Play by their rules — If they want to talk about family or vacation, as with Relaters and Socializers, take some time for that. If they want to get straight to business, as with Drivers and Analytics, get straight to business. While you need to both build rapport and get down to business, let the other person initially lead the conversation and determine how much you do of both.
• Remember: 95 percent of people are mirrors of you — If you don’t like someone’s response or reaction to you, change your response or reaction to them. If you do so, 95 percent of the people will change. If you don’t agree with someone, find areas where you can. If possible, let the other person be right. The more you let others be right, the more open they will be to your suggestions.
• Finally, follow the basic rules such as — No matter how much someone drives you up a tree, always be courteous, respectful, and professional.