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Before you can sell or influence anyone, you have to make a positive connection so they like and trust you. Here are some keys to connecting with anyone.

When in Rome…

If you’ve ever visited a non-English-speaking country, you undoubtedly tried to learn a few words or brought some sort of translation tool with you. Of course you did that so you could communicate and travel most effectively. Perhaps you also did it to show respect. If you didn’t, you were probably viewed as an arrogant American. Also, your trip was probably not as pleasant as it would have been if you at least “tried” to play by their rules.

Think of this example whenever you are communicating with anyone. We all communicate at differing speeds and at differing levels of directness. Some people are very animated and speak quickly, others speak more slowly and don’t move much. In addition to speed of speech and movement, some people are direct and to-the-point, while others add more words and have a softer style. As a result, you want to match and mirror these two qualities. If they use lots of gestures and speak quickly, do the same. If they speak slowly and are not very animated, slow down and limit your gestures. If they are short, direct, and to-the-point, then you should also use few words in your communication. If on the other hand, they want to talk and take a softer approach, then match this style.

Key points: do not match someone perfectly, they’ll think you’re mocking them, also, you want to remain authentic, so just make subtle adjustments where necessary. You also want to match communication in e-mail and written form. If someone uses names, greetings, etc., do the same. If they put everything they need in the subject line, your response should be short and to-the-point.

Listen, Give, and Make It All About the Other Person

Generally speaking, the more you listen, the more you give, and the more you make it about the other person, the more they will like you. I say generally because about five percent of the population will take complete advantage of this. On the other hand, 95 percent of people are mirrors. In other words, the more you listen, give, and make it about them, the more they’ll be willing to listen, give, and make it about you. This also works when it comes to accepting people and their ideas. The more open and accepting you are of them, the more open and accepting they will be of you.

Agree Wherever and Whenever You Can

People need to be important and their first instinct is to be right whenever possible. That’s why people speed up when you try to pass them on the highway and people rush the gate to be first on the plane. A funny thing happens though when you let other people be right or go first, their second instinct, altruism, kicks in. This is similar to the mirror effect above. As soon as you let someone go before you in line, they insist on letting you go first, as soon as you accept their way of doing something, all of a sudden your once preposterous idea is now worth trying. Your objective here is to be likeable, agreeable, and get along with people as much as possible, and to be happy and accommodating vs. being right.

Tune into Their Favorite Radio Station: WIIFM (What’s in It for Me?)

Why should they be interested in what you are talking about? What will they get out of it? When speaking, focus on them and use “you” statements versus “I” statements as much as possible. Try to get behind their eyeballs and ask what this means to them in their world and why they would be motivated to act one way or another. Speaking of motivation and what’s in it for them, verbal accolades, giving gifts, money, and proverbial and literal pats on the back go a long way. On that same note remember, what gets rewarded gets repeated.

The Best Question You Can Ask…

The best question you can ask your boss: “What one thing can I do, that if I do it at the highest level possible, will be of most value to you and the company?” To a co-worker or a customer: “What can I do to help you do your job or make your job easier?” To your significant other, a close friend, or family member: “What can I do to make your life easier?” Very few people have ever been asked these questions. When you ask these questions and act upon the answers, it will have a profound positive impact on how people view you.

Give People What They Want

We all want to be liked, feel important, and believe that we matter. A key to fulfilling all these needs is to treat everyone you meet as if he or she is the most interesting person in the world, because to them they are. Give people your time and respect and take a personal interest in them and what makes them unique. Always be personable and professional, treat people as equals, and give people an out and a way to save face if they make a mistake.

At the end of the day it really is all about people and relationships. Roughly 86 percent of your happiness or sadness will somehow be affected by other people. The more you can see things from their perspective and act in their best interest, the better you’ll connect, the easier and happier your life will be, and the higher your sales numbers will be.

MANA welcomes your comments on this article. Write to us at [email protected].