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On the surface, this question may seem like a no-brainer, so let’s begin by defining both of these terms.

When I talk about hard sell, I’m not talking about hammering someone into doing something that isn’t right for him. I’m talking about being direct and getting the prospect involved in what he needs, cutting through fear, denial, and other roadblocks that can stop a sale.

By soft sell, I’m not talking about using touchy-feely language and letting the prospect completely control the process. Rather, I’m talking about listening with empathy and truly understanding your prospect and his needs, putting yourself in his shoes, and sympathizing with him and his situation.

Keeping those definitions in mind, a fine line exists between soft sell and hard sell, and you have to learn when to cross it. The problem with most salespeople is that they are either hard sell or soft sell, iron fist or velvet glove, not both. You need to be able to use both approaches and you need to know when to use each one. Here are the rules for hard sell vs. soft sell.

When to Use Hard Sell and Soft Sell

As a general rule, you want to be soft in the beginning of the relationship. When you are just getting to know the prospect and you’re building rapport, you want to be soft, slow, and listen a lot. Once you have a full understanding of what the prospect needs, it is then time to be direct and make sure he gets what he needs. At this point you need to cut through everything else and push if necessary to get to the sale.

The type of person with whom you are dealing will also dictate whether you are hard sell or soft sell and when to cross that line. With a hard-nosed, straightforward, no-fluff individual, you will go from soft sell to hard sell faster than you will with someone who is more laid-back, easygoing, and slower in his approach.

In some cases, you never need to cross the line between soft sell and hard sell. You will have a great connection with certain people. They will see the opportunity, they will know what they have to do, you will be able to lead them directly down the path toward the sale, and it will seem as natural as taking a walk on the beach. In other cases, you will need to go to hard sell. You may have someone who truly needs your product or service. She knows she needs it, and yet fear is holding her back from doing what she knows she needs to do. At that point, you’ll need to skillfully push.

Defending a Style

The other issue I see with salespeople is that both hard-sell-only and soft-sell-only salespeople vehemently defend their style and say it is the only way to go. To the hard sellers out there, while you may initially make more sales and have some level of success, to be hard sell all the time is tiring, will lead to cancelled sales, and will hurt repeat and referral business. I also find that most people who are hard sell all the time are focused on the sale first and the needs of the prospect second. Remember, the prospect always comes first.

To the soft-sellers out there, not only will you miss many more sales, you’ll also prevent people from enjoying the benefits of your product and, depending upon your product this could be devastating. For example, let’s say you’re talking to a married dad of two young children about life insurance. You know he needs it, he knows he needs it and yet, he’s uncomfortable and you don’t want to push, so he sells you on waiting and you in effect let him off the hook. Three months later he dies in a car accident and his family is unprotected. His widow has to sell the house, uproot the kids from their school and life, and get three jobs to make ends meet. This is your fault for not pushing and not using or having the sales skills necessary to protect the family.

While this example may seem extreme if you sell something other than life insurance, assuming you are sold on your product and know people are better off with it, you still have an obligation to push when someone has a need along with the means to buy your product.

Another area affected by selling style is follow-up. Most soft sell people will follow up once or twice, if they follow up at all. If you only follow up once or twice, you will not make the sale in most cases as the average sale happens after the fifth contact. On the other hand, most hard sell salespeople tend to follow up too much and too early. This approach will irritate most everyone and make selling more difficult.

All considered, it is better to follow up too early and too often and to push a bit too much rather than not enough. The salesperson who recently called me seven times in seven days made a sale, while the person who only followed up once didn’t, even though I wanted his product more. And I think I am probably like most buyers.

The bottom line is: to be the best possible salesperson, you have to develop both the hard and soft side of your selling approach. As with every other area in selling, only by practicing will you get good at using both approaches and knowing when to use which one.

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