Many sales professionals talk about the value of emotional intelligence, also known as “EQ.”

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, control and evaluate your own emotions while being in tune with and empathetic of others’ feelings and behaviors. The ability to express and control your own emotions while being highly perceptive when it comes to others’ emotions is critically important in sales. Similarly, it’s even more important if you have a leadership role in your company.

According to author Daniel Goleman, people with high emotional intelligence can recognize their own emotions and those of others, they use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, they discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, plus they adjust emotions to adapt to environments.

TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people and found that 90 percent of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control.

According to VeryWellMind.com, emotional intelligence can be used in several key ways:

• Being able to accept criticism and responsibility.
• Being able to move on after making a mistake.
• Being able to say no when you need to.
• Being able to share your feelings with others.
• Being able to solve problems in ways that work for everyone.
• Having empathy for other people.
• Having great listening skills.
• Knowing why you do the things you do.
• Not being judgmental of others.

So how do you know if you are an emotionally intelligent person or leader? Well, here’s a checklist from Dooly.ai, which identified six traits of sales professionals who possess high EQ:

• They’re empathetic.
• They have emotional self-control.
• They understand their own strengths and weaknesses.
• They’re adaptable.
• They understand their time is valuable.
• They’re inherently optimistic.

The most effective sales pros never forget that emotion is always part of every deal, transaction and sale. Humans are emotional creatures. We are fraught with feelings — both positive and negative. Sales pros are more likely to succeed when they embrace emotion and work with it as opposed to discounting it or even working against it.

As the late poet Maya Angelou famously said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

The Art of Listening Intentionally

The best sales pros don’t just listen. They listen and truly hear.

Everyone says that listening to the client is the most important skill a salesperson can have, yet few salespeople actually bother to listen. For too many people, listening is just a cliché. Yes, you have to listen to your clients, but most salespeople do a lousy job of it.

That’s why we must listen and truly hear.”

Salespeople think they are listening, but they are really just pretending to listen. They’re going through the motions and not really comprehending what the client or prospective client is trying to communicate.

Allow me to share an experience I had back when I was in graduate school and working for the university as a graduate assistant.

Each month, we grad assistants were required to attend professional development sessions. The topic during one of those sessions was “active listening.” The presenter was some sort of “active listening guru.”

What she said made sense: Stand or sit with an open stance — arms not folded, and legs not crossed — and lean slightly toward the person who is talking. Nod your head and show interest with your eyes and facial expressions. Make reaffirming noises to assure the speaker that you are actually listening. And finally, paraphrase back the last few words of each spoken paragraph.

If you do those things, the presenter said, you will be engaged in the conversation and will make the speaker feel understood and appreciated.

At one point, the presenter said it was time for all of us to role-play what we had just learned. She told us to pair up with another audience member and move our chairs so we were staring at one another. The presenter informed us that we would each take turns speaking and actively listening.

I was paired with a fellow grad student named Sandy. We agreed that Sandy would talk first, and I would actively listen first. The facilitator blew a whistle to indicate it was time to start. As Sandy spoke, I monitored my posture and all my non-verbal messages. I nodded. I showed interest with my facial expressions. I paraphrased back certain words. I made sure my arms were not folded for even one second. All in all, I was pretty good at this active listening stuff.

Or so I thought.

As soon as the facilitator blew her whistle indicating it was time to switch roles, it suddenly occurred to me: I hadn’t the foggiest clue what Sandy had just told me!

I was so focused on the mechanics of good listening that I never really heard what she had to say.

This happens to so many professionals on an almost daily basis. People intend to listen to their clients, but in the end, they don’t truly hear.

How can you fight this tendency and not fall into the fake-listening trap?

It’s not easy, but here’s something you can try.

When you begin a conversation with a prospect, current client, colleague, or some other professional who might refer business your way, set your brain to “listening mode.” Tell yourself that the person in front of you is going to say something that will have a direct impact on your success. It’s your job to find it. Try to approach the conversation like a detective who has to keep digging until he finds the right information. Your ears should constantly search for cues and clues.

Whatever listening technique you use, you do have to listen and truly hear. Showing interest in a client helps build a trusting relationship. Discovering what the prospect values makes it possible for you to do business with them.

The key is to “listen with intention,” not just go through the motions to make it look like you are listening.

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