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I was cutting through an empty parking lot the other day and so was another driver coming in the opposite direction. As luck would have it, we were heading directly for each other, like a game of chicken.

I tend to yield in these situations, not because I am afraid of confrontation, but because I have learned to act with deliberation. So, I stopped, hoping that the other driver was paying attention and not looking at the screen in his hand. Thankfully, he was. But as he drove around me, he lowered his window, flipped me the bird and gave me a big grin as if to say, “I won!” I was shocked.

But this got me thinking about how much influence impulsive acts and words can have on our sense of balance and energy. Have you ever gotten involved in an altercation with a stranger like I did with this driver? Did it occupy your thoughts for a considerable time? Do you think about it every time you pass the place where it happened or maybe see them again someplace? In the big picture, it may not have been a big deal, but it got under your skin, and you’ve had trouble getting past it.

If you’re in sales, it might have been an unreasonable customer. If you’re in healthcare, this might have been a patient or co-worker snapping at you. If you’re in retail, it might have been an angry customer. If you’re in education, it might have been a demanding parent. These experiences may only last a few seconds, but they can alter your state of mind as you process whether it was you who did something wrong. If this type of thing happens enough, it can become a significant source of stress.

What Can You Do

So, what do you do to mitigate these experiences and not let them get to you? Here are three quick steps.

Number one, take a couple of breaths. This will release some of the physical stress you feel and give you a couple of seconds to think and orient yourself.

Number two, when someone snaps or yells or even screams at you, remember — that’s their issue, not yours. Even if you made a mistake, they have no right to behave in that manner.

Number three, wait a couple of seconds and then, in a calm and deliberate tone, ask, “How would you like to see this resolved?” Chances are, they have not thought about that part. They might say something like, “Well, fix it!” to which you should say, “I’d like to. How would you like to see this resolved?” This question will compel them to think. Thinking will force them to calm down. Notice I did not say, “How would you like me to fix it?” That places the burden on you and makes it look like it’s your responsibility. In some cases, it may be. But resolving situations of this nature has to be collaborative. If you speak calmly and deliberately, the energy and tension will evaporate. Once they’re calm, they might even apologize for their outburst.

Reacting like this when confronted with these kinds of situations does not come naturally. You have to have the presence of mind to use these strategies. Take a few minutes to role-play them with a friend or colleague. Get used to following this three-step process. We live in a high-strung, impatient and demanding world these days. Being able to manage these situations successfully will reduce some of the daily stress you feel. This is just one more in-the-moment way to recapture time and energy.

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